My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Channon Doughty says
My heart aches for you and for the loss of such a talent and light. I know nothing can take away your pain, so I just pray you find your way through it.
Mark says
I am sincerely sorry for your loss and hope that his spirit will remain in your hearts, forever!
Anonymous says
Really sorry for your lost. There is nothing worse than loosing child.
jacquie says
i am so very sorry for your loss. Please take the time to care for yourself and Desi. don't rush back into things before you are ready.
Please be gentle with yourself.
i will light my candle tonight w/ you all in mind.
Jane B. says
Sorry for your loss condolences to you and your family.
Julie Burge says
Vaishali, there are really no words. This is devastating in so many ways. A beautiful young man with so many gifts torn from this world. Now there is no comfort from this pain and rage. Soon though, you’ll feel ‘Joy’ in music, art, and yes..your wonderful cooking and recipes.
My heart goes out to your family in this terrible tragedy. This community that shares your blog embraces you.
Lois says
Vaishali
Please know of my condolences and prayers to you and Jay upon the sudden loss of your son, Jay. Unexpected loss of a child is a particularly challenging circumstance. I always enjoyed reading his “endorsement” of a recipe as it made me feel like this might be something my kids or grandchildren would like.
Yvonne says
I'm so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Taha says
Condolences to you both - I believe that there are no endings, just new beginnings.
May there be light.
Anonymous says
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time. Sending love and strength to you and those close to you.
Karen Watkins says
I'm so sorry, Vaishali. What a great loss! I loved reading the way you included Jay in your recipe writing. Be kind to yourself and Desi. We can wait until you're ready to write again.
Christine Chevalier says
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Throughout several of your food blog posts, you would speak of your beautiful son. I cannot imagine the pain that you and your husband must be going through. May all the Joy you felt, all the Wonderful experiences you shared together, sustain you both as you navigate through your grief.
Sending you and your husband and all who loved Jay much Love and Light ❤️ 🙌
Anonymous says
No mother should go through what you are going through. But, since you have to, you are teaching the grace with which you hold onto the precious memories and yet let him go by returning to your routine. You are an inspiration!
Lilia says
I'm very sorry for your loss. Sending you light and love.
Bena Desai says
I’m so sorry for your loss. No mother should have to go through this pain. Send you love and prayers.🕉Shanti 🙏
Scott says
I am so, so, so very sorry for your family's loss of your beloved son, Jay. As a parent of a precious 8 year old daughter, I cannot imagine your pain, but please know you have my deepest sympathies.
I know I'm a random internet stranger, but I'm an avid reader of your blog and love your recipes. Jay was right to brag about his mom's blog!
Please know that there is an entire community of folks praying for you.
Janet E Vetter says
Heartfelt condolences on your loss
.
Susan says
Sending my deepest sympathy and prayers for your family. I am so sorry.
Anonymous says
so sorry for your loss xoxo thinking of you
Susan says
Feeling your loss. May your pain lessen and joy return with each recipe and post here. Know we care and surround you and your family with love. Susan xo
Deb Z says
I am so very sorry. RIP. I'm an artist and boy was he talented! His spirit will live on.
Bonnie Minardi says
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son. I am holding you in my thoughts and praying for you and your family.
Much love,
Bonnie
Joshua Cheek says
My heart breaks for you and your husband. The loss of a child so young and talented is a grief we all share in. Please, take your time and heal and know that all of us care about you and Desi deeply and will keep you in our hearts and thoughts and prayers.
j.
Sarah says
This touches me more than I can describe. No parent should have to lose a child. It is beyond devastating, and I hope by me, a complete stranger, sending my love, healing energy, and empathy that it helps you in some minuscule way to process your grief. I am so, so sorry you and your husband are having to know this pain.
Laura says
Thank you for sharing about the life of your beautiful son. This is a terrible loss. Your readers will be thinking of you.
Anonymous says
Dearest Vaishali,
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know I have no words that will comfort, but please know that you and your family will be in our hearts. Take care of yourself and hold your other loved ones close.
Warm regards,
Deb
SHARON ROBERTSON says
What a beautiful boy. I am so very very sorry for your loss.
Barb Lougheed says
I am so sorry for your great loss. My heart goes out to you in your grieving. May time lessen the pain for you.
Jenn says
What a beautiful and talented young man. My heart breaks for you. May you and Desi gain the strength to move beyond this tragedy. He will live on forever in your hearts.
Deborah Nam-Krane says
I am so sorry and heartbroken for your loss.
Cat says
I'm so sorry for you and your families loss. What a tragedy. I am thinking of you and sending love. X
in2insight says
What a tragedy and awful loss. I am so very sorry. May his memory be a blessing, always. Sending you and Desi healing thoughts for your broken hearts.
Qadir Bakhsh says
Heartfelt condolences - so sorry for your loss