My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Gaynor says
Sending all my love to you and your husband as you learn how to cope with and live with the very sad loss of your lovely and also very gifted son. Thank you for sharingbthe lovely photos with us all.. I will hold you in my prayers
Georgia Young says
What a terrible tragedy. May his memory be a blessing for you and your family.
Lisa Bordeau says
What a senseless tragedy! My love to you and my deepest sympathy.
Jami says
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Hitesh says
I read your recipes but to hear this tragic news of this multi talented lovely young man is absolutely unacceptable. We felt it in our hearts and pray that his sole rests in peace.
Bob McGuire says
Thanks for sharing about your great loss and beautiful son. May you include some wonderful happy memories (some of which you beautifully shared) along with the sadness and anger. I invite you to let your feelings shift, and pass, and return, as the clouds and sun, and days and nights, exchange places in the dance of life.
I LOVE your recipes!
I thank Jay for his challenging you to stretch your skills.
What beautiful artwork!
Blessings to you and Desi at this sacred time!!
I appreciate now having Jay in my life! Thank you for sharing him.
I'm sure as this integrates and your feel the ongoing presence of Jay that your heart will have qualities you never imagined... some flavours you would never have had... like the finer recipes Jay inspired by his 'thumbs down'.
Vibha says
Dear Vaishali,
I am so sorry for the loss of your loving son. We cannot even begin to understand your and your husband's grief. What a charming young man your Jay was and he lives on in your memories. My sincere condolences to you and your family. How fortunate you are to have had such a special son and he was to have 2 loving and caring parents. I also adopted a baby girl from Mumbai, as a 2 month old and know how special that is. Please take care and God bless you both.
Bruce says
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Vaishali. Your son looked like an amazing character as well as a great artist with so much potential. No parent should outlive their children and I cannot imagine the incredible pain you and your husband are going through.
Shruti Bolangadi says
Heartfelt condolences to you and your family.. I pray God give you all the strength to bear the irreplaceable loss 🙏
Robertson Mark says
Vaishali, Wishing you and your family peace and healing during this difficult time.
Ann Dalton says
Dear Vaishali,
My heart goes out to you and Desi. All I can offer is to pray for comfort and strength for you both, and to pray that Jay will be liberated into the perfect bliss of union with the spirit that is all life.
With love, Ann
Sheila Patel says
So so sorry to hear the sad news. Our condolences to you & Desi. May Joy’s soul rest in eternal peace. Take care of yourselves.
Om Shanti Om 🙏🌹🙏
Black B San says
Dearest Vaishali,
I am devastated to hear this news. As long as I have been reading your blog I have enjoyed your family stories and recipes and a smile always crept upon my face. Todays news is truly horrific and saddens me beyond comprehension. There are no words I can say to comfort or make you smile during this dark time. Know that I am sorry beyond words and horrified at your heart wrenching loss. I pray for understanding and comfort for your family (who in some small way, felt like my own) and peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray that God guides you and comforts you and that the sun shines brighter on you today and always. Your beautiful son and his artwork will live in my mind for a long time.
Please accept my condolences and prayers with much love
Gail Anderson Edwards says
I sit here with tears in my eyes for your grief and our loss of a beautiful soul. His memory will be a blessing for all who knew him. My sincere condolences.
Janice says
So very very sorry you have lost your sweet boy.
Wilheminah Nakedi says
I'm so very sorry 😞 for your loss. It's really heartbreaking; especially because he was so young; so talented, and so full of life!
Anonymous says
My heart breaks at the loss of your son. Such a beautiful light extinguished too soon. I hope your memories will lift you up in the days to come.
Lisa C Hochstetler says
So sorry to hear this news. What a terrible loss.
He was an amazing artist who brought so much joy to you.
Please be kind to yourselves.
Ritu Thacker Chawla says
Joy was not born from your tummy but he was born from your heart and that’s where he will reside, in you, for as long as your journey on this earth is. Being a mother, I cannot imagine what you must be going through. But please take solace in the fact that you and your husband did everything that a good parent should do. You gave him the life which every child deserves. Om Shanti!
Baby says
I am so sad you are going through this horrible pain. I don't have children but lost my sister to Covid and took me almost a year and a half to get back with life...never as i knew it, because she is not in it anymore. But i am starting to enjoy things again, slowly. Give yourself time to heal, we will be here for you.
Barbara says
I only "know" you through the wonderful recipes and info that you so generously offer the world, but my heart breaks for you. From one mother to another, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. May you, some day, find peace.
Luisa says
Dear sweet family I am so sorry for your loss. I know your pain. God bless you all. I pray you find supernatural strength! Your baby boy is watching over you now he is your angel! Remember he would not want you to be miserable… my son Anthony was murdered when he was 21 and yes the most painful loss is to lose a child! You are not alone they are always with us!
Greta says
Peace and love to you and Desi..you n he are in my thoughts. Jays love will forever be with you.
Sue-Ellen Welfonder says
Deepest, heartfelt condolences to you both. This is a tragedy beyond words and I can't find any worthy of expressing my sincere sorrow that you lost your beloved Jay/Joy. The world is certainly less his bright, beautiful light. A tremendous loss, mostly especially to you and your husband. It really does seem that the best souls get taken way too soon. I am so sorry. (no response expected or needed .. I know you will be struggling even just to breathe through these grief-filled days)
Uma Rao says
I am so sorry for your loss! My sincere heartfelt condolences to you and your family. Such a beautiful soul and a brilliant star now to be forever in the sky..
You have beautiful memories forever with you. It’s God’s will.
Be brave. Continue your adventure with the food and blogs and take solace.
Leanne says
I am so truly sorry for your loss
Kay says
Desperately sad for you. He sounds like a wonderful lad, such a tragedy. ❤️
Julia says
Hi Vaishali, we don't know each other but I have been reading your blog for several years and am a big fan. Your recipes and writing are always simply the best. I am so deeply sorry to read about the loss of your son. He was obviously so intelligent and talented and loved. I am sending so much love to you and your husband right now and I hope people continue to share their stories about Jay with you.
Sharan says
I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for your and your husband's pain. I can't imagine the amount of strength it took to write this post and to try to find a way out of this darkness that may feel ever encompassing...I pray for strength for your family during these painful times.
Sher Allan says
I am so sorry to hear of your sadness. May his soul find it's way to whichever heaven it's destined for. Hugs, love and blessings to you. Please take care of you too. 💖 love from me, Sher, in Glasgow, Scotland
Brooke says
I have been following your blog and cooking your recipes for the past 5 years. I love reading the inspiration for your recipes and it always made me smile when you’d mention that certain dishes were a hit with your son. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you and your family and I know there aren’t enough words to comfort you at this time. Just know you and your son brought a smile to this strangers’ face, and I will be thinking and praying for you.