My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Laurie Gelb says
Hi Vaishali, There are no words for your loss other than I am so so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
Corinne says
So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful person you were raising. Time will heal you and be assured that your son loved you very much. Much appreciation for all you have shared over the years. Feel better soon.
Amy Leventhal says
My heart is sending your heart much love and healing. It's so hard to make sense of a senseless tragedy and a life snuffed out far too soon. One quote that helps me in times of grief is one by Kahlil Gibran: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." All the more poignant, as you called your beautiful son "Joy."
Anonymous says
My sincere condolences on the loss of your Joy. Please take comfort in the knowledge that your son lived his best life with you and Desi. Our loved ones will always live on in our hearts and our memories. I wish those memories bring you comfort soon.
Kat says
My heart is broken for you! ~ May Gods perpetual light shine upon your son ~
It will be 4 years 7/28 I lost my son. Time does heal but yet it’s the hardest thing a parent goes through.your sons art is amazing! Lots of love and tons of hugs! I’m so sorry for your loss!
Aleksandra Zarak says
I am so so sorry for your loss my dear. But now he is in a better place, he really went home.
John Bliss says
My condolences, Vaishali.
Stefanie says
So very sorry. Keeping you and your family in my heart.
Emily Nussdorfer says
I am so so deeply sorry and sad to hear of the devastating loss of your beautiful son. What a beautiful joyful amazing being! Thank you for sharing his story and his gifts and pictures. 🙏I am feeling him in my heart and send you so much love and solace. It is clear he made a powerful mark on the world! I am glad to have learned about him 🙏♥️ And the love that the 3 of you shared will never die.
My heart is with yours ♥️
Regenald McDaniel says
My condolences!
He brought joy to my family as well, as your child friendly dishes helped me to feed my children. May Krishna give him a wonderful next life and comfort to you and your family as you go through the grieving of your wonderful son.
Anonymous says
Hi Vaishali
I know exactly how you feel right now because I also lost my son of 32 years of age , some 11 years ago, the loss and empty ness never goes away and question the universe why do I have to bury my child when it supposed to the other way around. I gain solice through the readings of Khalil Gibran and my spiritual master and Guru Bhagwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba where They explain why children come into your life and leave before you God Bless you and your family my deepest condolences to you
Jane says
Deeply sorry about your beautiful beautiful son. Much love and sorrow sending to you.
Cindy VanAllen says
What a beautiful tribute to your son, I think he was truly a gift. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Anonymous says
My heart aches for you and your loss. Having gone through something similar, I know it will take years before the pain is finally not as raw and visceral as it is now. Just focus on all the wonderful times you had with him and how he lived his life to the full while he was with you. And know that he is preparing for his next incarnation to carry on his journey. It is just your loss and not his. All the very best to you.
Anne K says
My heart breaks with yours, Vaishali. There is no sense in this and the pain is incomprehensible. I pray that God will walk alongside you in your grief and give you comfort in his time. I am sending all my love your way.
Mallory says
Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family.
Helen says
I’m so very, very, very sorry for your loss. There is nothing harder than losing a child. Holding you and your family in my heart as you grieve your beautiful, talented son.
Valerie says
I am so very sorry for your loss..
Mary says
I am so deeply sorry for you and your husband's loss. This is absolutely the worst pain a parent can go through. Your post was so beautiful and filled with so much love and sadness. Your son was obviously an incredible and amazingly talented person. I am sending all my thoughts, prayers and love to you and your husband during this unbelievably difficult time.
Gina Maria Jansheski says
I am so sorry that such a terrible tragedy has befallen your family. I cannot imagine the pain of such a great loss, and it is an honor to share photos of your son and his incredible artistic talent. I want to thank you for sharing your burden with us. May you feel the support of your community in this difficult time.
Shirley says
There are no words to say how very sad I am for you & Desi and other family members. You are not alone - your entire community is with you.
DA Stone says
Dear Vaishali, my heart breaks for your loss! No words suffice. Know, please, that the Community you have built, loves and honors you and respects your terrible loss.
Sarah says
My very deepest condolences to you, your family, and everyone touched by this loss.
Melissa says
Dear Vaishali ~
I am very saddened for you and your family at this time. I have shared your blog and made several of your recipes. I'm grateful for the time and effort it must take to do it.
Through the selflessness of you and your husband, Jay had love and a life he wouldn't have had otherwise. Hold on to that.
I know there isn't anything I can really say to ease your pain except that I care. Grieving is such a personal and individual journey, so I hope you take whatever time you need without feeling pressure or overwhelmed that you must do x,y,z. Those who care will understand and be supportive.
Prayers for you and yours.
Pam wade says
I am so sorry to read this awful news, my heart goes out to you and your family.
Thinking about you with much love.
Pam xxx
Kusum says
My heart goes out to you and pray that you and desi stay strong.
I can understand this is hard to loose a family member, you will be in my prayers and thoughts
Stay strong dear Vaishali and continue to keep up on your lovely recipes that you have been sharing with the world.
Jenni says
I am so sorry for your loss. His memory is a blessing, as painful as it may be at times.
C says
So sorry to hear of your son's passing...may you continue to take comfort in your memories....
My name is Camille Navarro & i live in Barbados in the Caribbean...
Kim says
Vaishali,
I’m praying for you and your family during this extremely difficult time. What a blessing Jay was! I’m sorry for you loss, be kind to yourself.
Peace and Blessings,
Kim
Dee Dee Neil says
Praying for you and Desi. You are experiencing the greatest loss and my heart is breaking with yours (as someone unknown to you). My hope is the love and support of community bring you comfort.
Maureen Cram says
Holding you and Desi in my thoughts... much love.