My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Kari Samuels says
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your tragic loss.
Marilyn Gardiner says
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you are in. Be kind to yourself. Take all the time you need to grieve and heal. Life will never be the same but you will adapt to a new normal holding all the memories of your precious son in your heart. Sending caring compassionate hugs!
Marilyn
Anonymous says
I'm very sorry for your loss. How devastating.
Amy says
I am so very sorry for you loss. My prayers are with you.
Sue says
I am so sorry to hear the news of your beloved son, Jay (Joy).
May time and fond memories heal yours and Desi’s heart.
May Jay’s memory be for a blessing.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
AA says
Dear Vaishali,
This post broke my heart. Never commented before, but I wanted to reach out to say that I feel your pain. Your family, and Jay, will be in my prayers.
Many hugs.
Laury Kenton says
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your loving memories of his time with you.
Janine says
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful Joy. Please know your community is holding you and Desi close and sending healing love your way.
Tina says
Sending love and hoping things will be easier some day even if they will never be the same.
Lynette says
My heart breaks for you. I've never commented prior, but your cooking is an inspiration to me as I attempt to follow a healthy vegan lifestyle. I know you and your family are in a great deal of pain. I'm so sorry.
....Lynette
Sheila Rajan says
Dear Vaishali,
My heart goes out to you. I have never met you but I feel so connected to you since I have tried several of your recipes over the years & check your blog often. I wish you & Desi healing and peace in the time to come.
Om shanti 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Natalie Anne Nelson says
Vaishali,
Please take care of yourself during this tragedy. I am sending love and prayers to your family as you grapple with the loss of your son.
Much love xoxoxo
JS says
I'm so so sorry to hear this shocking news. I can't wrap my head around it. I only know Jay through your beautiful writing. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
Meena says
I am an avid follower of your blog for years; even before Jay came into your lives Vaishali. I've known Jay (Joy) right from your first post of his intro. It breaks my heart to read this and am unable to express my feelings. Extremely sorry; sending prayers and strength your way. May Jay continue his journey onwards and upwards. Keeping you and Desi in my prayers....
Lisa P. says
I'm so sorry to read about your loss. Jay is a special young man who brightened so many lives. This blog post is a lovely tribute to his life and light. His artwork is beautiful; thank you for sharing.
Vicki Stevens says
Vaishali, I am so very sorry. What a bright light Jay was. My heart goes out to you. Please take good care of yourself. xo
Lisa S says
I am a brand new subscriber and I am so very sorry to hear about the lost of your Joy. My heart goes out to you and your family your son was extremely talented and am soooooo sorry for your loss. Thos pictures were so beautiful and I hope and pray you can continue to honor his memory. Bless you
Jan Lee says
My heart is breaking to read this, Vaishali. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing his beautiful spirit with us. As we say in the Jewish tradition, "May his memory be for a blessing." Through our memories and our sharing, his spirit and his many blessings live on.
Vatsala says
Dear Vaishali
I am so sad for your loss! I kept checking your website and wondered if you had taken a trip to India. Instead, I read about Joy. A blessing taken away before his time. Sending you hugs.
Patty says
I am deeply sorry for the sudden and tragic loss of your beautiful son, Jay. Sending you, your husband and your family my heartfelt condolences and prayers for peace, comfort and healing of your shattered hearts. Sending love and hugs.
Ash says
I'm heartbroken to hear this Vaishali, truly. Sending you so much love in this impossible time. My heart is with you and your family x
Kandhi Moonsamy says
Dear Vaishali..so so heartbreaking. Take comfort from the scripture that says "Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning ". Will be praying for God's comfort upon you and Desi...🙏♥️
Sandra says
My heart goes out to you and I understand the grief and pain that surrounds you right now. He is your perpetual angel right next to you, guiding you always. This comes from a mother who lost her daughter 4 years ago. I can say that you learn to manage your pain as the years go and the grief hits in waves - But you learn to remember their beautiful soul and spirit and the more you remember the closer they are to you. Let go of the anger as they would not want that for you. For me, I have now accepted that this is God's plan. Still confused as to what it is - but there is a reason. Much love. Sandra
paula vik says
I am so sorry about your son. I never know what to say at terrible times like this, so please just know your story touched my heart.
Suzette says
I am so sorry for your loss. Do accept my deepest Sympathy. I understand your pain. You have many beautiful memories of your son Jay and they will help & support you through your grief. May God bring comfort & healing to your soul and to the souls of your family & friends.
Nadia says
My heartfelt condolences to you and your husband. Reading this news my heart broke for you and I can't imagine the pain you are both feeling. Such a beautiful soul taken way too soon. But, what a gorgeous smile Jay has. Sending you my love from across the world.
Ina says
Vaishali, I am so sorry and deeply saddened. I had been thinking about you when this heartbreaking post arrived. You and your family have my deepest condolences.
L says
I am so very sorry to hear of your tragic loss. Thank you for sharing and continuing to be here in whatever form and in whatever time feels right for you.
Radha says
Vaishali, I am so sorry. Tragic doesn’t go far enough to describe this. I can only imagine your pain and anger. Take care of yourself. Your food is a gift that you share and it makes all of our homes richer and warmer. I hope you can find comfort in your son’s memory. I wish you peace and love as you process this.
Radha
Your well wisher says
Vaishali,
Very sorry to hear about your loss. Believe me, it's just not easy. Your son seems like a lovable child with so much talent who went too soon. He has so much to offer to this world. As they say, time will be the only healer. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hope God gives you the strength to face this tough phase in your life.
Guna Segaram says
We were deeply shocked on hearing the news. Our deepest condolence to both of you and family. Our prayers and thoughts are with you'll. It's a very sad. May God Bless him.
steve says
Vaishali and Desi, Very sorry to hear about the loss of Jay. Wish you peace in the most difficult thing a parent can ever imagine.
Lorie Ray says
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Take the time you need to heal from this and be kind to yourself. Thanks for all you share, sending love from America.
S says
Over the years, I have read with much interest your stories about your family, both two legged and four legged, shared your joys and your grief. My husband died in a senseless accident last year, and I contnue to struggle, as I am sure you are doing.
I live in the mountians of Virginia, and if you should ever want to escape for a few days, you and your husband are welcome to come for a visit, I am vegetarian, have three wonderful older four legged family members with me, and love to have visitors.