My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Juliann Goldman says
Ditto on the hug!
Iris Koller says
Sending you and your husband comfort and strength as you move through this narrow and painful place in life. I am so very sorry.
Francesca Raphael says
My heart goes out to you as you deal with this irreparable loss. I can’t imagine the depth of your grief. Please know that there are many many people out there, who have followed you and your wonderful blog, who hold you and your family in the Light, as we Quakers say.
Pat says
I am deeply sorry about your unimaginable loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Love and Blessings.
A mother says
Thank you for sharing Jay's bright light with us.
Deborah Keller says
What an amazing tribute. I am so sad to hear this and read your beautiful words. You were blessed with his presence, as he was with yours. Know that we are all feeling sad for you during this time and wish for you healing in the best ways possible. Joy will rise again. Just know his soul will shine with you both always.
Anonymous says
Condolences - I cannot imagine your pain.
Rena says
Oh, Vaishali, I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I’m holding you and your family in my heart CCV as you go through this difficult journey…
Rena.
Gwen says
My most sincere condolences to your family.
Debbie Knight says
My condolences to you and your family. A big virtual hug to you and your husband.
Nilmi says
Very sorry to hear. Please accept my deepest condolences 🙏
Basa says
Very sorry for the loss of your son. Your recipes and blog bring a lot of joy and it's very sad to hear of your heartbreak. Take care of yourself ❤️
LA says
Oh, Vaishali. I am so, so, deeply sorry for your loss. I loved reading about Jay in your blogs. Your love for him is so evident through your writing and your beautiful tribute to him depicts a mother who knew her son, was proud of him and whose heart is broken. Jay was such a smart boy, a gifted artist, and most of all an immensely beloved son. Please be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. Grieve is a process, unique to each of us. I pray you and Desi will have family and friends to support you while you go through this dark valley.
Stephen Koenigsberg says
There is nothing to say. Only a big virtual hug.
Hope says
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I can't imagine the pain and grief you must feel. Sending prayers for you and your husband for comfort and peace. This is truly heartbreaking.
💔
ANNE HENDERSON says
Sending profound condolences on the loss of your precious son.❤
Nikita Naik says
I am so sorry for your loss🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing your son Jay’s
story.
peg cudahy says
This really stinks. I am sorry you have to go through this. Don't forget that as much as Jay was your joy, you and your husband were his joy and blessing, too.
What can your fans do to help? Would you and your husband like to set up a charity or scholarship in Jay's memory? I can only speak for myself, but I'm sure your other fans would be happy to help, too. Just say the word. Anyone who has ever tried your chick pea curry (yum!) owes you a favor, so don't be bashful!
I am praying for you and your husband.
Anonymous says
Beautiful sentiment ❤️
JJ Jacobs says
I'm so very sorry for your huge loss, Vaishali - my heart and prayers go out to you, Desi and the rest of your family while you deal with this tragedy. I've been a huge (and quiet) fan of your blog and love your stories and recipes. Thank you for sharing so generously with your recipes, life, and your love for Jay. Such a talented young man who was blessed with a loving family like yours.
Sheri says
Dear Vaishali and Desi, I am so sorry for your loss. No words can heal the wound of losing your beloved son—please know that I, along with so many of your peeps, are sending love and caring energy to both of you.
With deepest regret, Sheri
Mary Stewart says
This blog was a lovely tribute to your son, vivid and honoring, but words must fail to fully describe the experience of losing him. I am so very sorry. May comfort come to you in whatever way you can receive it. May God bring people to you who are willing to sit with you wherever you are and willing to leave you be when that is what you need. You and Desi are in my prayers as you move through this most difficult of experiences .
Linda M Pera says
I am so sorry for your loss. What a privilege it was for Desi and you to have Jay for such a short period of time. How unfair that a wonderful young man was taken from the world far too soon. My sympathies to your family, friends and all who held Jay in their hearts.
Karen says
I am so sorry for your lose. He seems to have been such a wonderful young man who was lucky to have you and Desi in his life. Please be patient and caring to yourselves. Your recipes have brought me joy throughout the years. I hope you find your own joy again. Sending love and healing thoughts to you and your family at this difficult time.
Friends says
What a tragedy. We are so very very sorry to hear of this grave loss. We will be here when you return. Take the time you need to grieve. This is a huge and unforgettable loss.
Avinal Bhimma says
Dear Vaishali, Our sincerest condolences on the passing of your son. Please accept our heartfelt good wishes to you and Desi. The journey of a soul is marked by a multitude of experiences. Some journeys are much longer than others and some never get to see past a pregnancy, childhood or youth like in Jay's case. A mother's role is the hallmark of caring, loving tendering and bringing up a young to become a wholesome functional contributor to society and humanity. Once that role has terminated, whether unexpectedly or in time, a mum feels the pain of the dissolution of that role. Yet, Jay moves on to another role in another life. We are born for the experience of joy, love and expression of the qualities of the human soul. The soul's journey is eternal in it's many chapters called lifetimes. Each chapter brings a story which is played out in thoughts, words and deeds. Once the journey becomes fraught with unfulfilled desires and sorrow, the soul unconsciously attract an early termination through accidents. Some accidents are small and others are life-threatening. When 2 souls meet by accident, it is a bringing of collision of possibities that may terminate the chapter to a renewal or extend the chapter to another direction. Life is meant to be happy but at times our relationships are a main part of this life and the persona we create along the way, whether it is a mum, a vegan chef, a blog writer or a world server. You have served the world by bringing us to a new dimension of living a life that is meaningful through a karma-free diet. This is not a small thing. It speaks volumes of goodness, celestial, philanthropy and humanitarianism. With Jay on his way to a new journey, he sees you and your tears and hopes that one day you will understand this this was all part of the eternal world drama of life. Om Shanti.
Diane Lloyd-Jones says
All my thoughts. I am so very sorry.
Meeta Sanyal says
I am so very sorry for your loss Vaishali. It's heartbreaking. How beautiful you told us all how amazing your son was. How can a parent move on in their lives without their child? What a beautiful boy you had !!❤️❤️😢 . In his short life he had it all but most importantly a loving parents. May God gives you and your husband the strength to deal with this terrible loss.
You are in my prayers 🙏
Dido says
Vaishali: Only you and Desi can claim to feel the true depth of your sorrow resulting from this unfortunate turn of events. As folks who clearly care for life -- human or animal – the pain of your loss, I imagine, must be pronounced.
May I offer my sincere condolences to each of you and pray you find the strength to deal with this tragedy.
Anonymous says
I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your husband.
Mar says
So sorry and shocked at you your loss. There is no console for such pain and grief. It will become less raw but you will carry it with you the rest of your lives.
Kristen says
I'm so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Thank you for sharing some of the joy that Jay brought to you and all those he came into contact with. There are no words that can make it any better, but your community is thinking of you and wishing you peace.
Amy says
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your son sounds like a beautiful person. ❤️❤️❤️