![Jay portrait](https://holycowvegan.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Jay-portrait.jpg)
My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
![Horse drawing with pen, by Jay Thirunarayanapuram.](https://holycowvegan.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Image-4-scaled.jpeg)
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
![Jay](https://holycowvegan.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Jay-smiling-program.jpg)
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
![Jay Thirunarayanapuram sketch of friend reading.](https://holycowvegan.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Image-10-scaled.jpeg)
Anonymous
My condolences to you. I am truly so very sorry for your loss and your pain.
Lyndsey Goddard
I am so sorry for your unimaginably painful loss. He sounds like an incredible human being who brought you so much joy and pride. Sending my love to you and your husband.
Linda T
I am so very sorry to hear such very sad news. My prayers are with you, your husband, and all who loved your beloved son. 🙏🏻😢🙏🏻
Vicki Bauerle
My heart goes out to you as tears run down my cheeks, Your story made me feel like I knew him. How lucky you were to have him for the years you did. I pray for you and Desi to find peace and always keep the memories close.
Stephanie
I am so sorry for your pain, your heart must ache. I know this pain feels like a sharp rock, inside your chest and scraping at your heart. Your loss will never go away, but you will learn to live with it and be able.to think of your son without the terrible pain. My thoughts are with your family x
Deborah V
I am crying as I read this. I am so so sorry for your devastating loss. Sending you love and strength. May you find the daily graces as you grieve and treasure the memories of your beautiful son.
Laurie Gelb
Hi Vaishali, There are no words for your loss other than I am so so sorry. Thank you for sharing.
Corinne
So sorry for your loss. What a beautiful person you were raising. Time will heal you and be assured that your son loved you very much. Much appreciation for all you have shared over the years. Feel better soon.
Amy Leventhal
My heart is sending your heart much love and healing. It's so hard to make sense of a senseless tragedy and a life snuffed out far too soon. One quote that helps me in times of grief is one by Kahlil Gibran: "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." All the more poignant, as you called your beautiful son "Joy."
Anonymous
My sincere condolences on the loss of your Joy. Please take comfort in the knowledge that your son lived his best life with you and Desi. Our loved ones will always live on in our hearts and our memories. I wish those memories bring you comfort soon.
Kat
My heart is broken for you! ~ May Gods perpetual light shine upon your son ~
It will be 4 years 7/28 I lost my son. Time does heal but yet it’s the hardest thing a parent goes through.your sons art is amazing! Lots of love and tons of hugs! I’m so sorry for your loss!
Aleksandra Zarak
I am so so sorry for your loss my dear. But now he is in a better place, he really went home.
John Bliss
My condolences, Vaishali.
Stefanie
So very sorry. Keeping you and your family in my heart.
Emily Nussdorfer
I am so so deeply sorry and sad to hear of the devastating loss of your beautiful son. What a beautiful joyful amazing being! Thank you for sharing his story and his gifts and pictures. 🙏I am feeling him in my heart and send you so much love and solace. It is clear he made a powerful mark on the world! I am glad to have learned about him 🙏♥️ And the love that the 3 of you shared will never die.
My heart is with yours ♥️
Regenald McDaniel
My condolences!
He brought joy to my family as well, as your child friendly dishes helped me to feed my children. May Krishna give him a wonderful next life and comfort to you and your family as you go through the grieving of your wonderful son.