My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Elly says
I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Alamelu Sundaram says
I am so sorry to hear about your son Jay. No mother should face this kind of sorrow. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
Debs says
Oh Vaishali,
I am so sorry for your loss. My eyes brimmed with tears as I read your message and I cannot even imagine the grief you are suffering.
You have given your readers so much joy over the years with your witty, lovely writing and impeccable recipes. Please take care of yourself, we will be here for you.
Pamela Johnson says
Dear Vaishali and Desi - I struggle for words in the face of such grief as this. I am so very sorry to hear that you have lost your beloved son. What a beautiful boy he was. Deepest condolences to you and your family. 💔
Geetha Kannan says
Am so sorry to read , tears rolling down just to read and I can imagine as what you are going through . You are a kind person , gave him a life . God has his own plans . Please think of all the moments you had since he was in your life . That will take you through . My prayers are with you my dear . Take care .
Manimala says
I'm so sad to hear the sad news. So sorry for your loss. Be strong dear.
Donna says
Heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
Paul Hebenstreit says
My heartfelt condolences for your loss.
Claire Wood says
I am so sorry to read about your terrible loss. Take time to grieve. The next few months will be difficult for you. Time never takes away the feeling of loss, but certain moments when memory comes flooding back become less painful and more comforting. Your recipes have made an enormous difference in my life and your website is my first go to when I am cooking. I am sure your subscribers will understand what you have to go through and will, like me, think of you each time they are in the kitchen. My condolences to you and all your family.
JK says
What is there to say, I happened utterly by chance on your front page notice and I felt my own heart almost stop in shock. I only "knew" him from your mentions on recipe postings etc., but that art of his that you show, indeed displays genuine talent. I am so damn sorry. I don't understand either.
Udoka says
I am so sorry. To lose a child is the greatest heartbreak. I am holding your family in my heart. This is so unfair 💔
Katoe says
Heartfelt condolences for the loss of your beautiful boy 💔
Ib says
I’m so sorry for your loss! My brother died 20 years ago and I think you can only hope to live with the eternal pain. It does become part of you. You will, unfortunately, learn to live with it! Thank you for your loving words!
Julie Bodnar says
I am so sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing such beautiful things about your beloved son! I cannot imagine the level of grief you & your husband are going through. You are in my prayers and heart.
Kathleen Walsh says
Thank you for your beautiful tribute to your son. And his amazing artwork. I am so sorry this happened to you and your son and your family. May you find peace, eventually, in your ongoing love for him. I
don't know if there is anything I can do for you, but please feel free to
contact me per my email. Soft rain on your fields....
Renee Saint Arnaud Watt says
I am so very sorry to hear of your great loss. What a beautiful tribute you paid to a well loved son. I hope that over time, you and Desi find comfort in the memories you have of Jay and of the happiness you brought in his life and he in yours. Take the time you need to grieve, it’s a slow process. Sending a big virtual hug
Minoti says
My deepest condolences to you and Desi both. I can not even imagine what a pain it must be to go through this. He was such a talented young kid, his sketches are just amazing!
Ali says
I am so, so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can comfort you. Sending love and peace to you and your family
Amisha says
Deepest condolences to you and your husband. May you both find peace and solace in this dark time. May you find strength in your memories of him and joy once again in his all too short life. 🙏🏼
Jane T says
From another mother who has lost a child, my heart goes out to you.
What an extraordinary young person Jay was.
Be kind to yourself and take it slow.
Love and peace to you.
Janice Kay Short says
Dear Vaishali and Desi,
There are no words for a loss this deep. Just know that an unknown reader is sending you love and holding you in her heart.
Gloria says
My deepest, deepest condolences, my deepest , deepest measure of love to your family during this time of unspeakable heartache. I'm praying for you, husband and family.
Susan Smerdel says
I am so very saddened to hear about your beautiful, amazing son. These tragedies have yet to make sense to me. I pray you find strength in his memory. The love you shared will get you through, though yes it will take time. May his loving energy surround you always.
Elaine says
I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing the story of your beautiful son at this most difficult time. Please understand that although you don't know many of us who read your work, you are surrounded by a circle of love. Breath, grieve and find peace were you can. My heart is with yours.
Kal Pant says
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear son, Jay. He sounded like a beautiful and talented young man. My heart go out to you and Desi during this difficult time. May you find strength and comfort in each other and in the memories you have of Jay.
Deborah says
Vaishali: I'm so very sorry for your loss. Words can't convey how much I hurt for you. My prayers are with you and your family and friends. May you always find comfort in the memories you have of Jay during his brief life with you and Desi.
Susan Covington says
My heart goes out to you, Vaishali, and your husband, Desi. Thank you for sharing Jay with us over the years. Know that you are loved.
Phylis says
Hi Vishali,
My deepest condolences for your most precious loss of son Jay. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult times.
Lyn says
I am sincerely sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.
Bill says
I'm so saddened to hear of this tragic life ending life of your son.please except my deepest sympathy . My thoughts and prayers for you and the family
Cindy says
I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved 'joy'. From my own experience, there is nothing more painful than losing your child. It is heart breaking. There is nothing one can really say except that he made a difference in the lives of everybody who knew him. That in itself is a treasured gift, but still hurts. I am sending you a hug from a place of unconditional love, for both you and your husband as you walk this path on your journey in this life.
Janis says
Losing a child is every mother's nightmare. I am so sorry for your loss, and the loss to the world of this talented young man. Deepest sympathies to your family.
Anna Bramfeld says
This is so heartbreaking. I’m sorry for your loss and for the loss to the world of someone who seems like such an amazing person.
Ash says
Vaishali, thank you for sharing Jay with this community. I am so very sorry for your loss and am sending you and Desi prayers for strength, and for loved ones who will be strong for you when you need them.