My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Sheryl Yevilov says
So heartbreaking for any family to go through. Sending love and strength to help you through this and may his memory be for a blessing.
Ren says
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've followed your blog (and made your wonderful recipes) since before Jay was in your lives. It seems inconceivable that he won't be growing older in future entries. Everything you wrote about him, in this entry and others, makes clear how beloved he was. And here you let us see how much he loved you too.
Kelly says
My heart aches for you. I will keep you close in prayer, that you may find strength to live one breath and one moment at a time.
Carolyn Smith says
I'm so so sorry to hear about your son! Peace and love to you and your husband.
I love your recipes!
Tina Hayes says
My heart breaks for you and your family. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Padmini says
My dearest condolences to you and your family Vaishali. A tragic loss is always heartbreaking and more so for a young soul. Take solace in knowing that you all brought joy into his life as much as Jay brought into your family. May God grant you all patience and courage during this time.
Sarah says
So sorry for your loss
Alfreda Zuckerman says
I appreciate your sharing the life of your son. It does bring all sorts of emotions to me which is what enriches our lives. No platitudes here. Just some virtual hugs sent your way.
Vincent L Curoso says
You have my deepest sympathies. Your recipes have brought my family much joy and I am sad to hear about your loss. Peace to you and your family.
Anonymous says
I am very sorry that this tragedy happened to you. No one should outlive their child, it is a great sadness. please accept my sincere condolences for your pain.
Hemant says
Dear Vaishali
We are very sorry for loss of dear son Jay. May memories of time you spent with him comfort you and your family.
Those whom we loved ❤️ never really leave us. They live on forever in our HEARTS ♥️ and cast their radiant light onto our every shadow!
Hemant
Midge Epstein says
I am so very sorry for your loss. From what you wrote and the photos you shared, I’m sure I would have liked Jay very much. His art is stunning.
Anne says
I am so very sorry for your tragic loss of your beautiful child. I wish you peace when the time comes. I saw my mother cope with losing my brother. There are others out there who have experienced this and truly understand. My condolences.
Geri Fox says
Take all the time you need dear one. Just like a good recipe, grieving takes time. We can wait for you. Holding you in our hearts ❤️
Maureen says
Dear Vaishali,
My heart breaks for you and your husband as you experience this unspeakable loss in your lives. Your eloquent words about and vibrant photos of your dear Jay are very moving and truly capture his spirit and immense talents--thank you for giving us this insight into his precious life.
I wish you love and light, and that joy will one day return to your lives.
Pritha says
No greater sorrow than losing a child, please accept my deepest condolences to you and your family.
Marian says
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. Beautiful boy with beautiful talent. Unspeakably tragic. ❤️
Valerie Ketkar says
So very sorry for your loss. I can’t help thinking what a gift you both were to each other. To give your son a life in the US and a stable loving home. What a gift. Hence the word JOY! I’m sure he provided you all with blessing after blessing by being in your lives. My wish is that you will find joy again as you heal this difficult loss. God bless you and your family.
Zuri says
Jays energy didn’t die, it transferred. I’m praying he is loved, safe and protected in his new life form. May he continue to bring joy to those who are privileged to be in his presence. Sending love to you and your family & loved ones.
Lisa says
Heartbroken for you, and sending deepest condolences.
Stacey Knecht says
Dear Vaishali,
I discovered your blog only yesterday, while searching for a cake recipe (which I found on your site -- and it was delicious), but could never have imagined that anything like this had happened to your family.
I'm so, so sorry. It must be devastating.
With love from the Netherlands,
Stacey
Anita Ramani says
Oh Vaishali! It broke my heart to read this blog. I have been following you for years and enjoying all the stories you have written about you and your family while trying out your delicious recipes that have worked out so wonderfully for our family. As everyone is saying, take all the time you need. Every time I make a recipe, I will think of you and your family and how your son, Jay, would make sure it is perfect for all of us to enjoy. Much love and many hugs, Anita
Jakki Gillett says
Dear Vaishali and Desi - I know that there is nothing I can say to ease your pain, but please accept the love of a stranger at this heartbreaking time. What an outstanding boy he was, and what a loss to the world. Those eight and a half years of your nurturing helped to make him who he was - you should be rightly proud.
From far away I send you peace and love.x
Patricia says
I grieve with you the loss of your precious son Jay. Tears sting my eyes. The world would have been a better place with him.
We are all in this live together.
Heart and soul love to you and yours.
Richard Carr says
So very sorry to hear this. Thinking of you. Love, R
April Nurse says
Vaishali, there are no words for the grief you bear. Someday, it will feel better. Take your time. My prayers are with you and your family.
Nicola Millward says
Heartbroken to hear of your loss. Sending you love and all my deepest sympathy. Only time can heal this pain and it will, but now is your time to feel the love surrounding you and sent from strangers who you have touched.
Neeta says
Just want to send you lots of love and light and big hugs! ❤️
Cathryn Louise Hall says
I'm so very sorry for your loss Vaishali and Desi; my heart goes out to you.
Jennifer says
Vaishali, I am so sorry for your incredible loss. Jay looks like a beautiful boy. We, too, lost our son. In fact tomorrow marks 7 years since the day he left us. I understand what you are going through right now, and am here if you need someone to talk to. You’re right, Jay is with you, and loves you incredibly ❤️✨
Yasmin says
So sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you all. Hugs.