My darling son Jay passed away in an accident on June 20.
So many of you came to know Jay through this blog after we adopted him from an orphanage in Mumbai, India, in 2014. He brought so much love and laughter into our lives: laughter that has now fallen still as my husband Desi and I try to wrap our heads around this tragedy.
Jay was six and a half years old when we brought him home, a precocious little boy brimming with mischief, attitude and street smarts he had picked up during his hardscrabble early life on the streets of Mumbai. He was also extremely bright: astute and resourceful, fearless and sensitive, and never afraid to voice his opinion.
Early on we recognized he was gifted with a rare artistic genius: a talent that later got him into the county's coveted and highly competitive visual arts magnet program where he blossomed further, creating art that boggled not just us, his proud parents, but also his art teachers who predicted a great future for him.
I called him "Joy" because that's what he was to me. He swam fearlessly, raced his bike like the devil, loved the movies, inhaled trivia, and had a sophisticated and eclectic taste in music, from Vivaldi's compositions to Japanese anime soundtracks to Billy Joel to Eminem and even Kanye West ("He isn't all that bad, mom!").
After complaining incessantly about my love for old Hindi songs I once caught him blaring "Mere sapnon ki rani," an Indian movie hit from the 1970s, in his room. Embarrassed, he faked a nonchalant shrug and countered, "Did I say I hated it?"
Jay made friends effortlessly and could talk to adults just as easily as he could to peers. He was unstoppably adventurous at heart and afraid of nothing and no one: a trait that often landed him in trouble with his teachers who would write to me, upset, about something he had said or done in class. Still, they loved him for his effervescent charm and he often bragged, perhaps not untruthfully, that he was every teacher's favorite student.
He was also the most honest critic of my cooking. If Jay didn't think something was up to his taste, he would turn his nose up at it. It made me madder at times than I care to admit, but I also got the message. On the other hand he was also quick to brag about his mom's food blog to just about anyone who would listen.
Right now I am filled with grief and anger. There is nothing right about a world where something like this can happen. There's nothing right about my child's life stopping while mine continues. I will never see my beautiful boy grow into the amazing young man he was meant to be. My heart will never be whole again.
Friends and family ask us to take comfort from the fact that Jay lived a full life for the past eight and a half years, with opportunities he never might have had. But there is no comfort to be had right now. Still, I am so grateful every day for my community, which has risen to support us. Every day teachers, friends, neighbors from several streets away we'd never even met before walk up to us with stories about meeting Jay and being charmed by him. They tell us how he made them laugh.
I haven't done much cooking since that horrible day, but I am slowly getting back to it. I know Jay would want me to go on sharing my recipes with you, just like he loved sharing the cookies and cupcakes I made with his friends and teachers. I will get back to it soon enough, but for now I wanted to let you know why I've been missing these last few days and why I haven't responded to your questions and messages. I hope you will bear with me while Desi and I pull through this most difficult time in our lives.
Anonymous says
I am so, so sorry to hear of your son’s death. The world will be less bright without his presence. I am thinking of you and your husband and wishing you strength and grace.
vicki Adamson says
I am so saddened for your loss but so happy for ypu and ypur amazing son for the years you shared. I don't know if you are a believer but l am sure you will see your son again. God bless you and comfort you in your time of loss.
Juliet says
My deepest condolences beautiful woman,to you and your husband and family.You are right in the midst of anguish just now,and love and your bravery will buoy you up.Your dear son would be so proud of your eulogy.I wish you peace and healing.Thankyou for sharing and may your cookery provide you solace and nurture.With kind regards,Juliet.xxx
Rhonda says
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son! To be honest with you I hate the words I'm sorry, because people do not understand the grief of loosing someone that you love so deeply, unless they have experienced it first hand! My heart and prayers go out to you in this time of deep grief, try and find comfort in each other, (you & your husband) God Bless!!!
Kate C says
I’m so sorry for your and your community’s loss. So heartbreaking. He is loved - his beautiful energy and art are so real and touching xo
Sujatha Ravibaskar says
Rama Rama Vaishali n Jay,
My heartfelt prayers for your family. As I read the blog felt all your sadness , lost for words .
Lord Rama comfort you all during these moments .
Sujatha
Tiffany says
My deepest condolences to you and Desi. Sending love and hugs.
Indira says
Vaishali, It is indeed an unbearable sorrow to lose your child regardless of whatever age he/she may be. Please take consolation in the fact that Jay is in a happier place, with God and His angels .
Carolyn says
I’m so sad to read this. My heart goes out to you and your family. There can be nothing so dreadful as the loss of one’s child.
Toya Mahapatra says
Please know that you and Desi are in my prayers .My heart goes out to you all. It' so shocking to hear and can feel the grief . It amazes me to see Jay's artistic talent and was such a lively child will be forever in our hearts .Vaishali keep sending him love and best wishes to Jay as he has gone to the astral world which is actually not too far from us .May God give you the strength to overcome the loss and receive my utmost love and hugs from me .
Manisha says
This is heartbreaking to read. My condolences and love to you and Desi during this time. Jay sounds so cool, I feel I know him already. The world has become very crazy and unpredictable, and you never know what's going to happen next. God has plans of his own. Sending you prayers and strength.
Diane says
I cannot imagine your grief. Please know I am sending you all so much love. May his memory be a blessing. What a wonderful tribute and his artwork is spectacular.
Briar says
Heartfelt condolences with tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing Jay with the world through this message. We live in Australia and love your recipes and your presence behind them. I will think of you and Jay now whenever I cook one of your recipes.
Aracelis Alvarez says
I'm so so sorry for your tragic loss. There is no comfort losing a child so prematurely, in the prime of his life with a hopeful future. You'll find ways to heal while never forgetting Allow yourself time and thank you for sharing this sensitive/personal news. Wishing you and your family peace.
Anonymous says
I am so sorry for your loss!
Donna Schaffer says
🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️there are no words.🌷🌷❤️🪷🪷🪷
He drawings you shared are beautiful.
Donna🪷
Jayne says
I am so incredibly sorry. Words fail in the face of heartbreak. My heart goes out to you and Desi.
Suzanne says
Dear Vaishali... Oh my, what a beautiful young man and such a great loss. My heart breaks for you and your husband. Jay has completed his mission with such greatness and joy, inspiring me to do more with mine. Thank you for telling his story, and for sharing yourself in all this. I have spent a lot of time in India, and can see him running the streets, with eyes big and bright and full of fun and mischief, as you say. I offer my most sincere condolences and love.
Kerry says
I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I felt as if I got to know him through your heart wrenching tribute which makes my heart so sad for both you and your husband. I hope you can find solace in your kitchen again and learn to breathe deeply again soon. Sending lots of healing to you and yours...❤️
Sandya says
Vaishali , I am filled with profound sadness for your unbearable loss . It seems like Jay with his openness and enthusiasm lived a truly meaningful life . I pray that DIVINE grace may embrace you and Desi at this time and make this bearable. With all my love.
Deborah Miller says
I can't imagine your grief and loss. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.
Belle Ball says
My heart breaks for you and Desi.
May all your memories of time with Jay be of comfort to you.
Joan says
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you. Jay was such a blessing and a gift to all who knew him. Let the joy he brought be your memory and comfort at this sad time.
Warm regards, Joan
Ambica says
Dearest Vaishali and Desi,
This is such heartbreaking news. I am so sorry for your terrible loss- Jay was such a lovely part of the warmth and joy you shared through this blog.
My deepest condolences - take care
Sending you love and hugs
Lisa says
I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words for such a time, deepest condolences to you both.
So many of us love your food blog & the joy it brings us.
I hope you can find your way through... xxx
Cheryl Colaneri says
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even fathom the pain you and Desi must be experiencing. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Mary Blanchard says
Oh sweet Momma!!! My heart breaks with you! I haven’t been on your site for long, nor do I know your sweet, Joy, but your words opened up so much for me to experience knowing you both now. There are no words that can lesson your pain, but I think you’ve found the greatest healing possible in telling us the blessings you’ve received from the short time you had with Joy. Remembering those blessings instead of sorrowing what you’ve missed will make this journey better. I wish I’d learned that sooner than I did in my dark valley of grief. I stopped singing and doing the things we loved for far too long and I regret that because he would have been sad to know I stopped.
I promise we will all journey with you…so share all you need to share. We will pray for you to be sheltered under God’s wings of comfort and protection. Jesus wept at the death of His close friend, and weeps with all of us who suffer these losses. Death is not of His Kingdom and He is ready to swallow up the pain and suffering when He comes in the clouds of glory. We don’t know what is ahead for us, but He does, and it’s quite possible He was saving Joy from something that would have been more painful for him and you. I finally saw that for my sweet David and had peace come again for me. It’s been 16 years, and there still comes tears of missing him, but I know I’ll see him again on that great day, and I have the joy of anticipation.
May you be blessed a thousand fold for teaching and sharing your recipes, your Joy, your sorrow with all of us. We love you!!! ❤️
Marion Todres-Masarsky says
My heart is breaking for all of you.
Bal Krishna says
I can not imagine the grief you must be going through. I am so sorry to hear of your great loss. May God give you the strength to go through this extremely painful time.
Lola says
Vaishali, I can't even imagine the shock and pain you are experiencing. No parent should have to bury a child. He sounds sounds like such a special boy and seeing his art, he was also truly talented. I wish you and your husband continued strength and comfort. And my thoughts are with you now. I appreciate you and all that you do. 💙